With an hour to kill before I get my son up for school, here I sit wide awake again. I have things I need to do today, but my day will likely be split into shifts. I actually like the 3rd shift life in the winter, but in the summer, I want to be at the lake from about 2 in the afternoon until dark! It's snowing right now, not that I'm surprised! It's Michigan.... meteorologists here have a very difficult job. I have watched four seasons happen in one week here! It's pretty crazy really. One summer, we'll barely hit 70 degrees, the next, it's 100 every day!
I love Lake Michigan! I always have. When I was little we lived just a few miles from a small lake, Hamlin Lake. I spent a lot of time in the water. We were only about 15 minutes from the Ludington City Beach and down the road from the sand dune beaches know to locals as 1st and 2nd curve. When I was a kid, we could have fires on the beach. The city put an end to that about 15 years ago.
Lake Michigan is beautiful. There's nothing better than hittin the beach with a grill and a radio and a few friends on a hot summer day. I've been to the ocean. I was in Cocoa Beach in 2009. I liked it, don't get me wrong, but I'm used to diving in and looking around. Not cool in the Ocean. Also, I have this crazy notion that I'll be in the water the one day that a shark decides to check out that particular area. Jelly fish frighten me as well. I've had two separate encounters with jelly fish. I don't know what kind they were, but I know I don't like not knowing what's in the water.
The first Jelly Fish incident occurred when I was about 13. We lived in Beaufort, South Carolina. We had been staying on the air station with my cousin while looking for housing. One day, my mom, my sister, and I went to a beach. We had no idea where we were going, we just found water on a map and went there. There were a bunch of parking places, but no one was around. There were a few signs with rules of the beach, no lifeguard on duty, nothing to alarming. We walk out on the beach, and the sand is black. I've never seen a black sand beach before, but hey, why not. The other thing I noticed was that the water was kind of red. Still, we decided to check it out.
All the way out, I'm thinking about the movie Jaws, and wondering what's under the red water that you can't see through..... Man did my eyes burn....
We were about chest deep in the water, when my mom noticed something in the water. She reached out in front of us and picked up this "ball" that was kinda clear with a pretty purple color like a super bounce ball kind of thing. I was walking over to look at what she had grabbed and she said, "Ick, it's slimy!" and dropped it in the water. Once in the water, it began to swim away!! My mother had picked up a Jelly fish approximately 2 inches around! That was it for me. I got out of that water faster than I thought I could. I didn't go back to the ocean after that, not until '09. I found out later that the black sand was due to high concentration of iron.
Cocoa Beach is very similar to Ludington Beach. Our beach goes for at least 60 miles without stopping. You can be on sugar sand and water for at least 3 towns without a break in the water.It's fresh water that is almost always clear. Blue or green like it should be. It's cold, but you get used to that part. We have waves, we have sun, we just don't have sharks or jelly fish.
When we were in Cocoa Beach, I thought, I'm gonna go in that water. It was a wavy day, people were swimming and surfing and collecting sea shells. I got about calf deep, and that was it. I just couldn't do it. In the back of my mind, I become part of a big bowl of soup the second I step into the ocean. Yes, I know it's crazy, but it's just a cold hard fact. I am a chicken shit when it comes to the ocean.
Managed to stay in the water for about 40 minutes or so, but then it happened. My niece was walking on the beach just out of the water. She starts yelling at me, "Aunt Billie, come here! What is this thing?" I go over to what she is looking at, sure enough, Jelly fish. This one was different though. It was long. It almost reminded me of a mushroom with long skinny tentacles, but it was clear. Then I noticed a little "bubble" wash up on the beach, it had a purple ring with little pink "fingers" coming off of it. Almost like an eye with pink lashes. As we walked away from those two, I noticed more and more washing up on the beach, we got the kids and left. I just don't know anything about them. The only thing I know is Jelly fish are not to be played with. I don't know if it was dead or alive. I don't have any desire to swim in the ocean. I would love to go on a fishing trip though :)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Awake, and not by choice
When did this happen? Oh yeah, that's right. Crazy ass sleep patterns are my thing! Not usually like this though. I will apologize in advance, as I am not responsible for what this becomes! Sittin here in the dark, listenin to classic country music, and burnin a bowl. It's OK, I'm allowed medically.... Not that I care if they say yes or no, but thought I would make that clear for those that don't understand Medical Marijuana. If you fall into that category, check out www.smokealilsmoke.blogspot.com Everything is there. You can even check the different references listed and Thousands more.
I guess I could take you through the events of my birthday week. Yes week, having divorced parents, birthdays are repeated for each parent to get theirs in. LOL. Those of you who "know" me, know I went out the night before and celebrated while I was at pool league, the pictures are on twitpic.com and face book..... Thanks Kimmy, I love you girl!!!
I know that in other blogs, I have explained my past drug and alcohol addictions, and the various crazy ass medical conditions I have. This is why drinking is such a rare occasion for me these days. But just like Toby sings "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was!" I made a point of proving that to ME!
I know how easy it would be for me to climb into a bottle of whiskey and just stay there forever, that still scares me. It took a long time to climb out and maintain. However, I believe that once a person reaches a certain point, they have to let loose from time to time. And boy did I!!!
The bar I go to when I feel like having drinks, is one I have hung out in for more years than I should have by now:) I was a very convincing 16 yr old. I figured out that if you are already buzzed and maintaining when you ordered your first drink, the odds of being carded dropped a great deal....LOL... of course, that was almost 20 years ago now. They weren't as interested in I.D.'s back then...
I have learned a few things. Like, never drive to town, it's too easy to drive back home when you get drunk enough to be bullet proof and have invisibility powers. I am one of the few that never had an accident or got caught driving while trashed. I say trashed, because, that is what it is. I don't just get drunk, I get obliviated! My friends enjoy it. I have a good sense of humor, and it gets better with each drink.. :p
I also learned that if I try the "hair of the dog" cure, it just leads to a two day, three day, four day week drunk. Not a place I can afford to go.
Tequila is NOT my friend.
And although it's called Dr. McGuillacudy, doesn't mean it's good for you. Sure goes down easy chilled beside a double jack n coke though.
I also found out, this time, that my mother has the ability to buy me a drink on my birthday over the phone ;p Between the two of us we know 60 years worth of locals in the area...
Chocolate milk is an excellent cure for a hangover, bacon and eggs~not so much. I learned the chocolate milk thing from my dad. It works for beer or whiskey hangovers.
I was pretty pickled when I got home 4 hours, 6 double Jack n Cokes, and 4 McGuillacudy's (menthol mint schnapps). I guess I threw the door open and hollered "Hey BABY! Mama's Home!" Allen found it very amusing. He helped me with my coat and shoes, then grabbed a bucket, my cigarettes, and a glass of pop. He told me to stay on the couch, he was goin to bed. He said, "I love you, don't burn the house down, I'm goin to bed" LOL.
I passed out, but only for a couple hours, I was wide awake at 4 am! Still drunk and now giggly. Sittin here in the dark with myself, just laughing thinking of the evenings events. There are many more pictures than those that were posted, but I am seeing some I didn't know existed on face book over the last few days. Damn Cell Phones!
I remained drunk for most of the early part of Thursday, started getting a hang over around 11 am, then, there it was. Ever since I quit drinking regularly, I started having these obnoxious hangovers! If I went on a three day drunk, I was fine, until day 4. Then, it was three or four days recovery.
There was a time when I could drink a fifth of Jack Daniels on ice and still function. Those days are so long gone. Man, I was a party hound. I always had fun, if I was at a party and shit started going rough, I just stayed back and watched. If I happened to be involved, I just hoped for the best and gave it my all. It didn't take long for people to leave me alone. Bonus. No fighting because I wigged out a couple times, and people just decided they liked me better happy.
My friend that took me out this time, she's a doll. She did way more than necessary. She drove me, bought several drinks, laughed, and kept an eye on me. There was a slight possibility of complications, due to one particular person in my bar that night. Kim and Nick did a hell of a job running interferrence :) Poor Nick, probably felt like a piece of meat....lol.... Eye Candy at the very least, he is @frieman1999 she is @kimberlysanbo I would advise all of my followers and readers follow these two.
I take it as a compliment that people want me to come out and party with them, but I know it's dangerous for me. I had enough fun, that I will have to wait at least six months or better to have a drink again. See, that's the thing about a true alcoholic. I am recovered to a point that I don't NEED alcohol, until I start DRINKING alcohol. Then, good times flash in my head, the whiskey goes down easy, and staying drunk is far easier than being sober.
As a bipolar manic depressive patient, alcohol is even more dangerous. My brain already lacks certain "keep it sain" chemicals, and alcohol just helps cover crazy! It also depletes the already low chemicals in my brain.
I know that there is someone reading this, scratching their heads, and wondering, "then why did you do it?"
Well, first of all, I wanted to! Every now and then, I feel the need to prove that I am still in control of the start and stop of this alcohol demon I have known for 2/3 of my life. Second, I've been thinking waaaay to much, alcohol helps you have a temporary amnesia for a few hours, I needed that. Finally, I have friends that have heard stories about "how much fun Billie is at the bar" and I have been telling them for a while that we would go out and do it up. What better time than my birthday.
There is a problem with this, the amnesia was so sweet. I got to forget about my bills, my pain for the loss of my dad, which still feels like a freshly salted wound. And, of course, the everyday pressure of winter living in a small community. It's very stressful here right now. Mainly money, which is a way of life in Michigan winter for me. The upcoming date of my dad's birth, and then a couple months later, the second anniversary of his death. That's the biggest one. It always leads back to dad. Maybe I am still processing everything that occurred in those two short months, or maybe it will always be a main part of my mind.
I have a friend whose husband, since high school, has been going to the Cancer Treatment Center of America for over a year. Yesterday, I received a message that the doctors have told them it's over. There is nothing more to be done but wait. Maybe two weeks, maybe a month. He's 40. I wonder, maybe these things are what are keeping me up nights. It's different to read than it is to think. I do not have the ability to turn my head off. I don't sleep completely, my brain is "awake" to a higher level than others when sleeping. It's like half sleep, so I never stop thinking about what is going on or has happened around me.
OK,..... this was supposed to be funny!
I went to my mom's for cake Saturday. My son gave me an amethyst bracelet, mom gave me a book for study alongside of my bible, and we had Cherry chip cake w cream cheese frosting. My nephew informed me that he wants to have a baby when he's "firty" (thirty) and he figures Nana is gonna be the mom. He's five, but autistic, and as far as he's concerned, she's every one's mom....LOL... He hung out with me a lot, instead of hanging with the kids. He's my little buddy. Told his mom he's tired of his sister and he's moving in with "Aunt Biwwee"... I'd keep him. Sis won't let me, says he's the only nice one in the house! I know this to be true. My niece, bless her heart, is hell on wheels, and she's only 10!!! Drama Queen doesn't even begin to describe it.... That's a story for another day. Love and Peace to All. Good Night
I guess I could take you through the events of my birthday week. Yes week, having divorced parents, birthdays are repeated for each parent to get theirs in. LOL. Those of you who "know" me, know I went out the night before and celebrated while I was at pool league, the pictures are on twitpic.com and face book..... Thanks Kimmy, I love you girl!!!
I know that in other blogs, I have explained my past drug and alcohol addictions, and the various crazy ass medical conditions I have. This is why drinking is such a rare occasion for me these days. But just like Toby sings "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was!" I made a point of proving that to ME!
I know how easy it would be for me to climb into a bottle of whiskey and just stay there forever, that still scares me. It took a long time to climb out and maintain. However, I believe that once a person reaches a certain point, they have to let loose from time to time. And boy did I!!!
The bar I go to when I feel like having drinks, is one I have hung out in for more years than I should have by now:) I was a very convincing 16 yr old. I figured out that if you are already buzzed and maintaining when you ordered your first drink, the odds of being carded dropped a great deal....LOL... of course, that was almost 20 years ago now. They weren't as interested in I.D.'s back then...
I have learned a few things. Like, never drive to town, it's too easy to drive back home when you get drunk enough to be bullet proof and have invisibility powers. I am one of the few that never had an accident or got caught driving while trashed. I say trashed, because, that is what it is. I don't just get drunk, I get obliviated! My friends enjoy it. I have a good sense of humor, and it gets better with each drink.. :p
I also learned that if I try the "hair of the dog" cure, it just leads to a two day, three day, four day week drunk. Not a place I can afford to go.
Tequila is NOT my friend.
And although it's called Dr. McGuillacudy, doesn't mean it's good for you. Sure goes down easy chilled beside a double jack n coke though.
I also found out, this time, that my mother has the ability to buy me a drink on my birthday over the phone ;p Between the two of us we know 60 years worth of locals in the area...
Chocolate milk is an excellent cure for a hangover, bacon and eggs~not so much. I learned the chocolate milk thing from my dad. It works for beer or whiskey hangovers.
I was pretty pickled when I got home 4 hours, 6 double Jack n Cokes, and 4 McGuillacudy's (menthol mint schnapps). I guess I threw the door open and hollered "Hey BABY! Mama's Home!" Allen found it very amusing. He helped me with my coat and shoes, then grabbed a bucket, my cigarettes, and a glass of pop. He told me to stay on the couch, he was goin to bed. He said, "I love you, don't burn the house down, I'm goin to bed" LOL.
I passed out, but only for a couple hours, I was wide awake at 4 am! Still drunk and now giggly. Sittin here in the dark with myself, just laughing thinking of the evenings events. There are many more pictures than those that were posted, but I am seeing some I didn't know existed on face book over the last few days. Damn Cell Phones!
I remained drunk for most of the early part of Thursday, started getting a hang over around 11 am, then, there it was. Ever since I quit drinking regularly, I started having these obnoxious hangovers! If I went on a three day drunk, I was fine, until day 4. Then, it was three or four days recovery.
There was a time when I could drink a fifth of Jack Daniels on ice and still function. Those days are so long gone. Man, I was a party hound. I always had fun, if I was at a party and shit started going rough, I just stayed back and watched. If I happened to be involved, I just hoped for the best and gave it my all. It didn't take long for people to leave me alone. Bonus. No fighting because I wigged out a couple times, and people just decided they liked me better happy.
My friend that took me out this time, she's a doll. She did way more than necessary. She drove me, bought several drinks, laughed, and kept an eye on me. There was a slight possibility of complications, due to one particular person in my bar that night. Kim and Nick did a hell of a job running interferrence :) Poor Nick, probably felt like a piece of meat....lol.... Eye Candy at the very least, he is @frieman1999 she is @kimberlysanbo I would advise all of my followers and readers follow these two.
I take it as a compliment that people want me to come out and party with them, but I know it's dangerous for me. I had enough fun, that I will have to wait at least six months or better to have a drink again. See, that's the thing about a true alcoholic. I am recovered to a point that I don't NEED alcohol, until I start DRINKING alcohol. Then, good times flash in my head, the whiskey goes down easy, and staying drunk is far easier than being sober.
As a bipolar manic depressive patient, alcohol is even more dangerous. My brain already lacks certain "keep it sain" chemicals, and alcohol just helps cover crazy! It also depletes the already low chemicals in my brain.
I know that there is someone reading this, scratching their heads, and wondering, "then why did you do it?"
Well, first of all, I wanted to! Every now and then, I feel the need to prove that I am still in control of the start and stop of this alcohol demon I have known for 2/3 of my life. Second, I've been thinking waaaay to much, alcohol helps you have a temporary amnesia for a few hours, I needed that. Finally, I have friends that have heard stories about "how much fun Billie is at the bar" and I have been telling them for a while that we would go out and do it up. What better time than my birthday.
There is a problem with this, the amnesia was so sweet. I got to forget about my bills, my pain for the loss of my dad, which still feels like a freshly salted wound. And, of course, the everyday pressure of winter living in a small community. It's very stressful here right now. Mainly money, which is a way of life in Michigan winter for me. The upcoming date of my dad's birth, and then a couple months later, the second anniversary of his death. That's the biggest one. It always leads back to dad. Maybe I am still processing everything that occurred in those two short months, or maybe it will always be a main part of my mind.
I have a friend whose husband, since high school, has been going to the Cancer Treatment Center of America for over a year. Yesterday, I received a message that the doctors have told them it's over. There is nothing more to be done but wait. Maybe two weeks, maybe a month. He's 40. I wonder, maybe these things are what are keeping me up nights. It's different to read than it is to think. I do not have the ability to turn my head off. I don't sleep completely, my brain is "awake" to a higher level than others when sleeping. It's like half sleep, so I never stop thinking about what is going on or has happened around me.
OK,..... this was supposed to be funny!
I went to my mom's for cake Saturday. My son gave me an amethyst bracelet, mom gave me a book for study alongside of my bible, and we had Cherry chip cake w cream cheese frosting. My nephew informed me that he wants to have a baby when he's "firty" (thirty) and he figures Nana is gonna be the mom. He's five, but autistic, and as far as he's concerned, she's every one's mom....LOL... He hung out with me a lot, instead of hanging with the kids. He's my little buddy. Told his mom he's tired of his sister and he's moving in with "Aunt Biwwee"... I'd keep him. Sis won't let me, says he's the only nice one in the house! I know this to be true. My niece, bless her heart, is hell on wheels, and she's only 10!!! Drama Queen doesn't even begin to describe it.... That's a story for another day. Love and Peace to All. Good Night
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