Just Because

Just because I am here and feel like rambling on a little. I don't feel like writing about my secrets in who is Billie right now. Not that I have been that fourth coming with information. I know it's a little scattered when I write, but that is because I write spontaneously. I don't rehearse, I don't plan, I just get a feeling that it's time and so I write.
I have been keeping kind of quiet on twitter and watching different conversations for the last few days. It amazes me how quickly people can become cruel. A shooting today, and people are cracking sick jokes. A homeless man finds a chance to become something with a God given talent, and people complain that they are tired of hearing about him? What is wrong with people? Where is the compassion everyone seemed to posses just a couple of weeks ago?
These same people have no problem asking for followers, mentions, re-tweets, and even "gifts" of others. I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not at the expense of others. And, certainly not simple cruelty.
I also do not believe that people should not be allowed to own guns. I have guns, I use guns, and I have lost people because of guns. Some people are fortunate, they either have small families, or they don't experience death as often as others. I have not had a single year that I can remember since I turned 8 years old that someone close to me hasn't passed away. I come from a big family in a small town, Maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe it's the cancer that is on both sides of my blood lines. Or the autoimmune diseases. And, of course, the occasional accident. I have a different feeling about guns, and death, and life in general.
I believe that everything that happens is truly a part of God's plan. I am not going to preach, I would just like to make it very clear that I am a believer that all things have been planned for all of time.
My very first experience with a gun was when I was 5. My mom had bought my dad a 30-30 Winchester for Christmas. We were at a friends house in the early fall of the following year, and he decided I was old enough to fire the gun.
I stood on the toes of his size 11 boots, and my body was against his legs. He was holding the butt of the gun, and we were both holding the barrel. I was so excited, I felt like one of the women in the wild west movies I used to watch with dad. I pulled the trigger (with his help) and KA-POW! The gun went off. It was the coolest thing I had ever done! I was so excited, until I found out I couldn't tell anyone at school. My mom already knew, so I was pretty much out of people to tell.
My next memory of that gun isn't such a good one. I don't remember the events that led up to the gun being sold, but years later both of my parents told me the story. My dad had been drinking whiskey, a big no no for him. He would become violent drinking beer, whiskey was like fire water for him. My sister and I were outside in our sand pile, it was sometime in the afternoon. Mom had sent us outside because they were fighting again.
She said she was taking me and my sister and leaving, and my dad said she wasn't. He went to the living room and got the gun. He sat down at the table, less than 3 feet from my mother, aimed and shot. Somehow, he missed. My mom said the bullet whizzed right past her left ear, and had even parted her hair. She was so freaked out, she grabbed the barrel of the gun and pulled it out of his hands. The gun was gone the next day. Needless to say, my dad never had another gun in the house my whole life.
I was fascinated with guns my entire life. I always wished that I had lived in the time of the old west. Things were better then. People had respect for others. Sure, there were people that were unsavory, but there has never been a time that they weren't there.
When I was a teenager,which wasn't that long ago, fights and such were settled with fist to fist combat. No guns, an occasional knife, but usually just black eyes and broken noses. Where I come from, often times, after a fight, the people that were just beating the hell out of each other would then drink together and talk about stuff.
The good old days....LOL.
When I was around 8 years old, a man walked into a local auto parts store, shot and killed his soon to be ex wife, then himself. I knew a kid that shot himself before I ever hit sixth grade! I had a friend that lost her son in November to a self induced gun shot.
Here's the point. My dad, my friend, my girlfriend's son, they all had something in common. They had been the victim's of abuse as children. My dad, due to his parents, and then foster parents. The other two, sever bullying for years in school. What does this say? I have a gun, I have never shot anyone. I have had days that I think maybe death would be easier than life, but I don't shoot myself. And the day I found out the man I was in love with was a pedophile, I thank God I didn't have a gun that day. I make a conscious choice not to use my gun for anything but hunting. I feel I have the right to own my gun and protect my home. I should say, I know that if I had to protect myself or my son, I would have no problem pulling the trigger. If I have an altercation with someone, or a grevience with a state representative, judge, cop, I would never use a gun.
I have told you very little of my experiences with violent death, I will say this. When someone dies, making lude remarks is revolting. When a person can no longer defend themselves, they should no longer be under attack.